Dear Maa,
I remember the day when you told me, “Be with someone who loves like you do!” "It is the ultimate secret to a happy married life" you claimed. So I had etched this teaching in my memory.
For I have always listened to your teachings and that they have helped me through the thick and thin of life. But I am sorry Maa, I don't think this one will and I am writing to apologise, as I wont be able to follow this.
I am aware that you don't think I am with someone who loves like I do. I confess that I dint think that either.Yes. I know I have never said this before but I doubted his love too. I was insecure, even when I made it look like I am not. When my friends thought I was being a fool to not see that he doesn't love me the way I love him. When I was told that he really cares for me; but all wanted to hear instead was that he really loves me.
But today, something changed. For the first time ever, I saw a spark in his eyes, a twinkle of love paired with an eternal wait. It was like his eyes had become a mirror to mine, reflecting the deepest strongest emotions I have felt ever since I saw him.I have always been waiting to see this.
But as fate would have it. It didn't make me happy.
Yes, my fate has always had a twisted way of granting wishes Maa. Maybe that is why my biggest wish was granted with a 'but'.
I remember the day when you told me, “Be with someone who loves like you do!” "It is the ultimate secret to a happy married life" you claimed. So I had etched this teaching in my memory.
For I have always listened to your teachings and that they have helped me through the thick and thin of life. But I am sorry Maa, I don't think this one will and I am writing to apologise, as I wont be able to follow this.
I am aware that you don't think I am with someone who loves like I do. I confess that I dint think that either.Yes. I know I have never said this before but I doubted his love too. I was insecure, even when I made it look like I am not. When my friends thought I was being a fool to not see that he doesn't love me the way I love him. When I was told that he really cares for me; but all wanted to hear instead was that he really loves me.
But today, something changed. For the first time ever, I saw a spark in his eyes, a twinkle of love paired with an eternal wait. It was like his eyes had become a mirror to mine, reflecting the deepest strongest emotions I have felt ever since I saw him.I have always been waiting to see this.
But as fate would have it. It didn't make me happy.
Yes, my fate has always had a twisted way of granting wishes Maa. Maybe that is why my biggest wish was granted with a 'but'.
Yes, he loves just the way I do. Giving in everything he has. But. I am not the one he loves.
I know that I have been denying this for the longest time. You have too. But it is true Maa. All the rumours, everything about her existence that we have been denying is true.
Yesterday, we heard she is back in village. There is wait in his eyes ever since.Wait to get just one glimpse of her. Wait to see her smile again. Wait to make her laugh again. Wait to fight with her. Wait to hug her. He doesn't say it but his eyes are poor liars.
And the truth of those eyes kills me. I feel jealous, deprived. But then, I can not stop him Maa. How can I? After knowing how it feels. It's like asking him to stop breathing. And we both know its not possible. You cannot unlove someone. If you can control it, its not love. Maybe this is why, he has never asked me to stop loving him.
I know that I have been denying this for the longest time. You have too. But it is true Maa. All the rumours, everything about her existence that we have been denying is true.
Yesterday, we heard she is back in village. There is wait in his eyes ever since.Wait to get just one glimpse of her. Wait to see her smile again. Wait to make her laugh again. Wait to fight with her. Wait to hug her. He doesn't say it but his eyes are poor liars.
And the truth of those eyes kills me. I feel jealous, deprived. But then, I can not stop him Maa. How can I? After knowing how it feels. It's like asking him to stop breathing. And we both know its not possible. You cannot unlove someone. If you can control it, its not love. Maybe this is why, he has never asked me to stop loving him.
But what is this fate maa?
Where his love is all I crave for, but she is the one who has it.
Where being with him might be all that Radha wants, but he is duty-bounded to be with me.
Where he can't marry the one he loves & can't love the one he is married to.
Where his love is all I crave for, but she is the one who has it.
Where being with him might be all that Radha wants, but he is duty-bounded to be with me.
Where he can't marry the one he loves & can't love the one he is married to.
But I won't let fate win Maa. It can not hurt me, my love and his love all at the same time. Please forgive me for not keeping my promise but I am leaving my husband before death do us apart. For this is where his happiness lies.
Maybe not everyone can be with someone who loves like they do. But my Kanha will.
Your beloved daughter,
Rukmani
